Letter to Swan

Image not mine, this is from the anime Princess Tutu

Dear, WS

You have awaken a jealousy inside of me, the type I never thought I could have again. It’s like I am forgotten when you are near, they all think you are so beautiful, so amazing, well…what about me? You are the light, I am the darkness.

The green monster has consume me, screaming at me “Get her, Get her!” I wish I could listen to it, I wish I could scream at you until my voice is gone, but instead I blame myself, doubt who I am.

It’s like I am the ugly duckling, yet this time there won’t be a happy ending. You’ll stay the beautiful Swan everyone fawns over and I’ll stay the ugly duckling that everyone forgets about. It must be great to be told that you are beautiful, amazing, every single day.

When I look in the mirror, I want to curse at my reflection, yell at it “Be pretty! Be like her!” but all that comes out is a “Hn” while staring at cold eyes, the type that lost life.

You are taking away the peoples I care about, yet all I can do is smile happily at them and act like everything is perfectly fine. What would they understand of my pain and jealousy? What would you know about it?

What do you know about having a broken heart? Feeling like crying a river at night, while whispering ‘You are not good enough…you are not compare to her’ I bet you’ve never felt this, never known the hard life.

I hate you so much, yet we don’t really know each other. I have become your shadow, been turned invisible due to you. Every waking hour, all that spills out from everyone’s mouth are praises that has to do with you, well what about me?

Have you ever had to love someone that doesn’t feel the same? Feel the pain so raw that you think you are dying? That what I am feeling now, they are all hypnotized with you, what spell did you cast?

Jealousy has turn me green, making me see only black and feel only this deep pain, whispering “Destroy her, Defeat her” but how can I destroy you? Make you feel the pain I am stuck feeling thanks to you?

In another lifetime, where I am not such a jealous person, we could have maybe been friend, we could have talked and smiled at each other, but now, in this life, in this time, all I can think and tell you is “I utterly hate you” 

So I am acting childish, complaining about losing attention, why should I complain about being forgotten? I am so tired of losing, of being left behind. Goodbye Swan, this ugly duckling will have to someday learn it’s place.

With utter hatred toward you,

ΦB.SΦ

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