Letter to DJ….just open up

Shows just how I feel, annoyed! Image not mine

Dear, DJ


I wish you would just let me help you out, I understand where you are coming from, I get why you are not trusting me and want to do everything yourself, after all we don’t have that much knowing each other and you don’t know crap about me…but still, I wish you would let go of that fantasy world and see me for me, let me help you out and count on me as well. I see you as this really interesting guy and yeah, the part of me that wants to be a Psychologist finds you really interesting but so does the other part.

Please, just let me help you out, listen to me and stop changing the damn subject every time! Damn it! You really grind my gears when you act like this and then go freaking quiet. It’s like you are trying not to form a bond with me and that hurts like hell. Why won’t you give me a chance? Why won’t you let me show you that I can be a great friend?

If you would stop ignoring me for just a second when crap goes hard and instead opened up a bit, it would be so easy, but whoever said life was easy, right? I am sorry you are having so many issues, I am sorry you are having such a harsh time but why won’t you just talk it out with me? I could help you! I didn’t have a crazy hard life the way you did, but I was different too. Did you get bully for being different? Is that why you are so closed up and have this impossibly big wall that I just can’t open?

Sometimes I want to just break down and cry, I want to scream at you to LOOK AT ME, not the username hiding behind the stupid screen! Confide in me and let me help you out as best as I can. I am not gonna stalk you or rape you! I am not going to betray you…all I want to do is lend you my shoulder and ear, tell you that even if we can’t see each other, even though we barely know crap about each other, I am here for you. 

I had this huge wall just like you and hell, even now I am really anti social and it’s hard for me to share my feelings with people…but still, just give me a chance, listen to me..please?

Stop running away, Stop growing quiet on me and ignoring me…it feels too much like another friend I have who is always pushing me away, making me feel like…well like, why should I even try to be a Psychologist if I can’t even help my own friends? What would make me good for the job when I can’t even offer my own friends advice?

Yeah, people like you and him, with walls impossibly high, make me doubt my ability in working in that field. Do I come out as bossy? Is that it? I wish I could just pour out all of my emotions to you, but you would probably run away, feel that it’s becoming too fucking personal.

You really grind my gears, you know that?! Suck it up, talk to me and stop hiding under that mask. I am sorry that you seem to have had a rather hard childhood, I really am, but I promise not to betray you.

There is so much I wish I could tell you, I wish I could scream at you, show you my frustration, but you’ll just keep running and I’ll have to keep chasing, always chasing you DJ, can I do that? I…well….I just don’t know. Until then, I’ll hide my emotions, try to act like the freaking happy one and try to stay by your side, hopefully someday you’ll realize that I am here to stay…hopefully it won’t be too late.


In Eternity



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