Cher, Ex Amant

Image not mine

Cher, ex amant

I promise to get rid of the poems

you’ve written for me,

to forget the late night talks we’ve shared,

And marry a man that will care.

    I’ll give my heart to him,

The way I was never able to give it to you,

and when I have a daughter,

I promise to look at the innocence in her eyes,

Hold on to her naivety.

When she falls in love

And gets her heart broken,

I’ll write strength down her spine,

fill it with independence

while whispering your name in my pillow.

If she asks me what I said,

I’ll tell her that I know how it feels

to love someone so much

that it feels as if your heart might burst.

I’ll tell her that she needs to be strong,

to ignore the acidic butterfly in her stomach,

that feels as if they want to rip out

and fly away.

Cher, ex amant

I promise to delete our special songs,

hold on to this selfish heart,

and fill it with illusions of

spiderwebs

and deceptions.

If she ever feels alone,

If she ever feels as if the world will crumble down on her,

I’ll tell her I understand,

What it feels like to lose your head,

To listen to the cold whisper at night,

While death tries to find you.

How alluring death seems,

such a fine gentleman,

Who let’s you get lost at night,

Forget just how wicked a soul can be.

Cher, ex amant

I’ll tell her that I understand

The pain of losing someone

Not just once

But twice.

I hope she never has to know what a goodbye hug feels like,

Or how lonely a last embrace really is,

That she never has to memorize the lowest of tone of a last conversation

And learn what “See you later” actually means.

I pray to Buddha that she finds friends that can hold her close,

Those that won’t throw her away,

Because they are so cool,

I pray that they are like fire flies,

And light the path when she’s in the dark,

lead her to safety.

If my daughter ever hates what she sees in the mirror,

I promise to fix it for her,

Show her that the world is full of

“Hello” and “Goodbye”

But it’s what you do with it that counts.

    Cher, ex amant

I hope she never has to put on mock smiles.

Forget what ecstasy feels like

when a relationship begins.

I’ll tell her about us,

How we love and cried together,

How our dreams mixed into one,

Our hearts knew every small path,

Until it was hard to know which belong to which.

I hope she never has to bear her soul

in front of millions of stare,

that she never knows

what betrayal really means,

Or that she sees that those hands

that once held her,

now retreats

as if shot by a sniper.

I pray that she never loses her head

wondering what she did wrong,

what she could have done right,

and feel as if life is but a meaningless labyrinth

that she should just escape from.

Cher, ex amant

How time pass,

They say that time heals everything

But it hasn’t healed us yet.

If my daughter ever wonders

why first love are so hard,

I’ll tell her the story of us,

I’ll admit to her

that first love are

never really gone.

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